Lost, at what cost, because.

I no longer want to climb mountains. I want to sit and enjoy the breeze.

I no longer care or want to be the best. I want to worry less and be satisfied that I’m average.

I no longer want to strive for success. I know I’m not made for that.

I don’t have goals. But don’t say I’m lazy. I’m not. I’m just tired of trying so hard and finding myself unhappy. Whether I win or lose. I’m not happy.

I’ve realised that I’ve defined success based on what people around me said it should be.

Challenge yourself to be the best.

Don’t give up.

You’re doing great. Keep going

Don’t stay stagnant – strive for more.

I found myself dreading to hear these phrases. They’re not for me. If I choose to go for something unstable, people will definitely disapprove.

What’s worse is that I’ve pushed down what I really wanted so deep in my subconscious that I don’t even remember what it is. I’ve programmed myself that I am where I’m supposed to be.

So, I am struggling. I don’t know what I am supposed to do now. Who am I supposed to be? What steps should I take?

I’m chained with the idea that I shouldn’t be hasty. Do not let got of this and that. Before you get to where you want to be, SACRIFICE.

But I realise that I’ve sacrificed time instead. By the time that I’m where people considers stable, I’m already too old.

I’m scared. I’m staying because it is where I am ‘growing’. But I feel like I’m trying so hard to live like a strong sturdy tree when all I want is to be a grass swaying with the wind.

I’m tired. I want to stop. But I know I need to know where to go if I were leave everything behind.

I’m lost…